Wanna Have Children

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

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Letter To My Psychiatrist

Dear Doc

I am so sorry because I am unable to meet you today. This is because yesterday I make up with my girlfriend and she’s willing to be my wife again instead of my condition. Although I told her that I had some kind of trauma, schizophrenic, suicidal tendency and thus I got only 6 months left due to my cancer, she didn't care at all. All she wanted was love from me. I didn’t realise this was going to happen to me.

Doc

Thank you for your time all this while you’ve been listening to all my pain. And thank you for the number that you gave to me, surprisingly I got jack pot from it.

You beloved patient

Kumar a/l Peter

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American football

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game.they had great seats right behind their teams bench.after the game,he asked her how she liked the experience."oh,i really liked it."she replied."especially the tight pants and all the big muscles.but i just couldn't understand why they were trying to kill each other over 25 cents."dumbfounded,her date asked"what do U mean?".."well..they flipped a coin,one team got it and then for the rest of the game,all they kept screaming was:"Get the quarterback!Get the quarterback!".i'm like....helloooooo..??its only 25 cents.

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Her Diary vs His Diary

HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. ; he seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I wanted to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY

MAN UTD. lost 2-0 to Chelsea today, but at least I got laid.

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