Tought Exam

One day a girl go to the exam hall. She do the exam until she finish the paper. Then, she went out after finishing her exam. Her friend ask her, how is it the exam? The girl said, quite tough, then her friend said " In Your Head". The girl was wondering, what is the purpose of her friend saying like that.She wonder for a while and she got it.

Her friend was correct, the exam was quite tough because she was thinking it in her head it was tough. Next day, the girl went again for the next paper and remember her friend said and do the exam easily on that day. Just think its easy.

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In What Way Or Manner to Win a Woman Back

I have experience dealing with how to win a woman back.

When one day your girlfriend just elect to abandon you for whatever motivation. Can you deduce the blow,stress and regret you have to experience when something like this happen to you?

Something like this puts you through terrible emotional pain for long periods of time.

But, I did not allow this to get me down. I was able to ride out the blows and got back to my feet. In this condition I was still able to find a way to win a wife back. Look I had to put in every effort to get my marriage of over ten years on track again.

One reason why you're reading this article, is that you are looking for tips to win a wife back, whether it's your wife or your girlfriend.

Well, today I have good news for you. Based on my experiences I can come up with at least five tips on how to win a woman back.

Now then, without any delay, let us talk about those steps or tips that have helped me in my quest to win back my wife.

Tip 1:

I know you are in a hurry to get her back. But, do not rush and you must be really willing to endure. Do not trouble her during the first few weeks after the breakup by sending text messages, emails, calling her or bumping into her by "accident". Both of you need time to consolidate, think about what happened, sort out contradictory feelings,etc.

Tip Two:

In order to transform yourself for the better, you need to take time off by being in solitary. As the saying go, it takes two to tango. I breakup happens between two people and not just one. Lets face it, and do not try to refute it. You took a blow and some damage was caused to perhaps your ego or personality.

Tip 3:

Do not be afraid to cry. Men can can cry. To cry is absolutely natural in certain situations, especially a breakup. Just remember, when something like a breakup happens unexpectedly, it's normal to cry. But the point I want to make is that you should not stay at a standstill. You have to move on.

Tip 4:

The next step involves you to start to take action. You need to get out of your cave. I'm going to sound very contraversial by saying that you need to start dating someone. Yes, date another wife. You need to get out to rebuild you ego and self-confidence. This will make you even more irresistable for your ex and prepare you for the next step.

Tip Five:

By now you are prepared for the kill and to win your girlfriend back. You will need to speak to your ex, send a letter, text message, email, etc. Do not make the mistake by begging for her love. You need to be in control. Just impress on her that everything is fine with you and that you want to have a fantastic and enjoyable time with her. Read more...

Beware of Girls

One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heard from her mother that if she does a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Angel" would come to her in her dreams & give her 3 boons. So she decided to do it. She completed 4 years successfully, doing prayer regularly.

Now it was a day for "Angel" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask. And, really an "Angel" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between them.

Angel: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.

Girl: Condition!, what is that?

Angel: You have a boy-friend?

Girl: Yes.

Angel: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn’t know anything about boon and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1st boon.

Girl: (After thinking for some time …): Yes, I am ready.

Girl: 1st, make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.

Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.

Girl: It’s OK.

Angel: Be as you wish!

Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world. Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most handsome boy in the world.

Girl: It’s OK.

Angel: Be as you wish.

Angel: Now the last boon remains.

Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.

Angel: What? Are you sure!

Girl: Yes. Very sure!

Angel: Be as you wish.

Think friends, what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world’s most beautiful girl and the richest one, too.

Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!

Now, girls please stop reading … boys scroll down…

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Dear boys, don't worry, actually what happened is something different than what you all think! Actually, the girl’s boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being world’s richest and the most handsome boy.

Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much intelligent than what we believe them to be. So don't worry if you think that you have girl-friend, intelligent than you.

Hey….I told u girls not to read… Read more...

laughs for today

(1) DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!


(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A Malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... Baby doll
3rd wife..... China doll
2nd wife.....Barbie doll
1st wife..... Panadol !


(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his
country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...


(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night
Men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2
Peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!


(5) ARAB MAN
An Arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel!"


(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"


(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and... Wife on the cover of "missing persons"


(8) SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.


(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor!!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to
take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.


(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a
baby
than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."


(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. Wanted her tombstone to read:
BORN
A
VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "


(12) OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything..

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The Break In

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!“

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Do you want to fool around ?

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, Do you want to fool around ?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, ' 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'



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Forgetful Actor

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say theline Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play hes practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"

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Daddy's Phone Call

Child: “Hello?”

Daddy: “Hi honey. It’s Daddy. Is Mommy nearby?”

Child: “No Daddy. Mommy’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

Daddy: “Honey, you don’t have an Uncle Paul.”

Child: “Yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy.”

Brief Pause.

Daddy: “Okay, honey. I want you to put the phone down on the table and run upstairs. Knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

Child: “Okay Daddy, just a minute.”

Moments later the little girl comes back to the phone.

Child: “I did it, Daddy.”

Daddy: “What happened, honey?”

Child: “Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and began running and screaming. She tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

Daddy: “Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?”

Child: “He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too. Then he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

Daddy: “Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?”

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Caught Short

A girl takes her new boyfriend back home after the dance. She tells him to be very, very quiet as her parent are asleep upstairs and if they wake up, she would be in big trouble as she's not allowed to bring boys home. They settle down to business on the sofa, but after a while, he stops and says, "Where's the toilet, I need to go".

She says, "Its next to my parent's bedroom. You can't go there, you might wake them up. Use the sink in the kitchen instead."

He goes into the kitchen then, after a short while, he pops his head round the door and says to his girlfriend, "HAVE YOU GOT ANY PAPER?"

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An Email for Bill Gates

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
Problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button ’start’ but there is no ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run’ he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to ’sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘MY Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is noteven a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only..

9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

10. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God shake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

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Dirty Forks

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a
dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from
there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks
up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to
him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook
happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.



The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll
take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing
around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man
comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming
and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take
it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in
and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have
the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says,
"Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

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a date trick

One day a guy talks to the girl he likes on Skype

Guy: hey you, my one and not only translator!!

Girl: hello. Oh, so i am not your only translator? i see you got plenty of "translators"

Guy: don't like it when you try to get me wrong. i meant to say you are more than a translator to me. but yeah, i got plenty of translators.

Girl: like it when i get to dig your secret out of you. i hope i'm your best translator!

Guy: haha. yes u r. u're my best friend. and soon i'll be dating you. hehehehhehehehheehh

Girl: what am i? a history book? i am not to be dated.

Guy: u know what i mean. so will you go out on a date with me?

Girl: i'd go out with you, but it's not gonna be a date.

Guy: then what is it?

a day? a week? a month? a year????

Girl: ...

Guy: a day would be 24 hours, a week would be 7 days, a month would be 30 days, a year would be 365 days.

if we go out on any of these, it'll be toooooo long!

so come on, please go out on a DATE with me..

Girl: So you don't wanna go out TOO LONG with me?

Guy: Love it when i knew you'll always come up with that kind of remarks. i'm just saying that to make you go out on a DATE with me. then i'll say, lets go out on a DATE for the rest of the YEAR.

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FOR WOMEN ONLY

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

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Can animals lie?

An animal was chased by an angry lion, the animal then hide behind a group of hippo"s then the animal told the hippo"s not to tell the lion that he is hiding behind them but hippo"s refuse to do that eventhough the animal begged the hippo"s many times WHY???????

HIPS DON`T LIE

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Divorce

A couple get a divorce and are in negotiations for the custody of their children. The judge asks each of them to defend their reasoning for their rights to sole custody.

The wife replies, 'the children are really mine, i carried them for nine months and spent hours in labor birthing them! He didn't really do anything!' The judge nods thoughtfully, recognizing the validity of her reasoning and asks for the husbands defense.

The husband thinks for a minute and replies, 'Your honor...if you put a dollar into a coke vendor machine and a coke pops out. does that coke belong to you or the machine?'....

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Wanna Have Children

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

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American football

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game.they had great seats right behind their teams bench.after the game,he asked her how she liked the experience."oh,i really liked it."she replied."especially the tight pants and all the big muscles.but i just couldn't understand why they were trying to kill each other over 25 cents."dumbfounded,her date asked"what do U mean?".."well..they flipped a coin,one team got it and then for the rest of the game,all they kept screaming was:"Get the quarterback!Get the quarterback!".i'm like....helloooooo..??its only 25 cents.

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Husband and wife jokes

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge:
"Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

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Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be
home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in
another man's arms. Why, Dad ? Tell me why!"
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she
didn't get the fax."

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A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first
married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my
slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after
ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers
and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

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One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her
husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but
have I ever said anything bad about him?"

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A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts
shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares to
answer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?"
The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the
house and none of them dares to answer back.

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A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came
home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said
the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three
o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you,
Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

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"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

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Women and sex

About one per cent of women can orgasm solely through breast stimulation.

30% of women over the age of 80 still have sexual intercourse either with their spouse or boyfriends.

Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy both the giving and receiving of oral sex than high school dropouts. (Amazing what one learns in college).

Women are most likely to want to have sex when they are ovulating.

Women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be interested in a one-night stand than those with only a Bachelor's degree.

According to Penthouse magazine, more women complain about infrequent sex than men do. Forty percent of women have said they had an orgasm while dreaming about sex. That number is 80% for men.

The frequency with which a woman has orgasms during her sleep actually increases as she ages during her childbearing years.

According to Playboy, more women talk dirty during sex than men

It's been estimated that one out of every two hundred women is born with an extra nipple.

A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.

Meh~ might as well post women facts up. I have tons more tho. ;)
And I still don't get to use the digest function! What's it for! -.- Read more...

And We Wonder Why Aliens Don't Visit Us...

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