Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes!
No wonder men are happier. Read more...
Husband and wife jokes
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge:
"Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."
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Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be
home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in
another man's arms. Why, Dad ? Tell me why!"
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she
didn't get the fax."
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A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first
married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my
slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after
ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers
and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"
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One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her
husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but
have I ever said anything bad about him?"
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A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts
shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares to
answer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?"
The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the
house and none of them dares to answer back.
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A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came
home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said
the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three
o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you,
Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."
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"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Women and sex
About one per cent of women can orgasm solely through breast stimulation.
30% of women over the age of 80 still have sexual intercourse either with their spouse or boyfriends.
Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy both the giving and receiving of oral sex than high school dropouts. (Amazing what one learns in college).
Women are most likely to want to have sex when they are ovulating.
Women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be interested in a one-night stand than those with only a Bachelor's degree.
According to Penthouse magazine, more women complain about infrequent sex than men do. Forty percent of women have said they had an orgasm while dreaming about sex. That number is 80% for men.
The frequency with which a woman has orgasms during her sleep actually increases as she ages during her childbearing years.
According to Playboy, more women talk dirty during sex than men
It's been estimated that one out of every two hundred women is born with an extra nipple.
A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.
Meh~ might as well post women facts up. I have tons more tho. ;)
And I still don't get to use the digest function! What's it for! -.- Read more...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Controversial Jokes Articles
31: Why is it good to be a man?
1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.2. Your orgasms are real. Always.3. Your last name stays put.4. The garage is all yours.5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.6. You never feel com
32: Women are impossible to please!
A store named "Husband mart" has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store has six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopp
33: Tehran and Flight 000
The flight 000 was going to Tehran from London. When it gets close toTehran it starts having some kind of trouble. The pilot contacts the air tower at Tehran airport and asks for help:"Tehran, th
34: Obituary
The newspaper obituary operator received a phone call. The woman on the other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?" "Five dollars per word, ma'am," came the response.
35: Finally a boy!
There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful blonde teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pr
36: The Arabs vs The Jewish
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off a fat little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to
37: American vs Frenchman
A gum-chewing American and a Frenchman are sitting together in a restaurant. The American feel really proud to be an American, so he starts a conversation. He asks the Frenchman, "When you eat br
38: A Wet Whisper
A mother took her little boy to church.While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in chur
Read more...
Adam and Eve
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged.
“You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.
It was Eve. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.
“Counting your ribs”, said Eve.
Read more...Daddy's Phone Call
Child: “Hello?”
Daddy: “Hi honey. It’s Daddy. Is Mommy nearby?”
Child: “No Daddy. Mommy’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
Daddy: “Honey, you don’t have an Uncle Paul.”
Child: “Yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy.”
Brief Pause.
Daddy: “Okay, honey. I want you to put the phone down on the table and run upstairs. Knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
Child: “Okay Daddy, just a minute.”
Moments later the little girl comes back to the phone.
Child: “I did it, Daddy.”
Daddy: “What happened, honey?”
Child: “Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and began running and screaming. She tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
Daddy: “Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?”
Child: “He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too. Then he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”
***Long Pause***
Daddy: “Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?”
Divorce
A couple get a divorce and are in negotiations for the custody of their children. The judge asks each of them to defend their reasoning for their rights to sole custody.
The wife replies, 'the children are really mine, i carried them for nine months and spent hours in labor birthing them! He didn't really do anything!' The judge nods thoughtfully, recognizing the validity of her reasoning and asks for the husbands defense.
The husband thinks for a minute and replies, 'Your honor...if you put a dollar into a coke vendor machine and a coke pops out. does that coke belong to you or the machine?'....
Read more...Husbands for Sale!
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where
a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the
store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the
building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-
dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-
dead gorgeo us, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic
streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the
sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you
exit the building, and have a nice day!
Read more...
Meaning of VIP
I don't understand why people keep using word of VIP, therefore I refer to oxford dictionary and found few definitions:-
- Very immoral person
- Very immodest person
- Very impatient person
- Very impecunious person
- Very imperfect person
- Very impotent person
Anybody wants to add more?
Read more...
